


The Height of His Troubles

by justatealduck



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Bad Puns, Deceit Sanders Needs a Hug, Fluff and Humor, Gen, One Shot, Puns & Word Play, Short Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, oh my god the dad puns, there's too many - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22592074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justatealduck/pseuds/justatealduck
Summary: Deceit isn't a person to worry over the smaller things. Everyone else thinks otherwise.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104





	The Height of His Troubles

**Author's Note:**

> So. My first fic is me trying to pull together a story based of a pun I thought of at 1am. Sorry that's it's so bad, but I hope you enjoy!

It was weird how different the sides all were, due to the fact they were all aspects of the same person.

Okay, the personality traits were obviously an exception, and their outfits reflected in who they were as a side. Understandable, right?

 _But how,_ the snake-like side thought, glaring up at Patton, _did height come into this!?_

Deceit stared up at the dad of the group, who was occupied with washing the dishes. He practically towered over him! How and why was he this height?

The snake shook his head, trying to focus on making his late afternoon tea, turning the kettle on. _What did height have to do with manipulation? Intellect? Power? Exactly. Nothing. Focusing on the sma-_

…

 _Focusing on such things only made bigger problems,_ he told himself.

He grinned widely as he remembered all the times he popped up and scared the living daylight out of people. The look of terror on their face, like he was going to pass out then and there. _And he didn't comment on your height, did he? So, stop worrying about such a littl-_

He groaned, and rephrased his sentence (or thought) again.

_So, stop worrying about such a thing, and get your mug and make that Earl Grey you deserve for staying up last night._

Just as he went to get his mug (the gorgeous yellow ceramic one with an egg-white coloured inside,) Patton quickly grabbed it and placed it at the very top of the cabinet.

Deceit frowned and glared daggers at Patton, the dad trying not to look at the shorter side. Dee huffed and stood on the tips of his toes, which earned a grin, then a little jump, which earned a snicker, then little jumps on his toes, which earned a giggle and then tried to climb on the cabinet, and Patton couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Patton wheezed, getting the mug, barely having to stretch, and handed it to the snake-like side. Dee gave him a little hiss in return, and placed the teabag, sugar and lemon juice in the mug.

"I've got to hand it to you though.."

Deceit looked up, "What?" He snapped.

"Well, you can't get it yourself, can you?" Patton cracked, and then burst into a huge mess of giggles.

Deceit felt the human side of his face go bright red and stormed to get the kettle.

He was not going to let this buffoon get to him.

\---

As he settled down into the warm spot of the sofa (where the sun directly hit through the window,) and sipped his Earl Grey, he felt himself becoming drowsy (not necessarily from the lemon.) He placed the cup down, nestled down into the cushions and comforted in the warmth and softness; just as he felt his human eye close-

Hands grabbed him from under his armpits and raised him up. Deceit half screeched and writhed frantically in the grasp, wondering what was going on.

It was only until Remus started singing that he understood why.

_"From the day we arrive on the planet,  
And blinking, step into the Sun.."_

Deceit felt himself shrink from annoyance, trying to wriggle himself out of Roman's grasp.

"Let go of me, Princey!"

"No way, Kaa! The worst thing to do in a performance is to give up!" Roman returned, and lifted the side, torturously, slowly higher, almost like a rollercoaster.

Deceit hissed violently and began reaching forward to grab Roman as Remus drawled the lyrics and elongated every syllable. Roman, rather than being intimidated, thought it was like holding a cat (which was ironically fitting for the joke.)

 _"On the path unwinding,  
In the Circle, the Circle of Life!"_ Remus finally finished on not such a graceful note.

Silence.

"Well? Are you going to let me down, or am I needed for a reprise?"

Roman, with a slight grimace, dropped Deceit suddenly onto the sofa. Deceit half screamed and fell face first onto the soft surface. Immediately, he got up and confronted the two brothers.

"Do that again and I'll chuck you off Pride Rock."

Remus cackled, "No need to have such a _short_ temper, Dee!"

"No, come on, Remus. Let's stop for a second." Roman said; a sudden seriousness swept his face.

Dee couldn't help but comfort (in slight confusion,) that Roman was finally giving him the respect he deserved. They were all sides, all equals, and no physical difference could change that.

"We should have stopped. We're both sorry."

"Oh, no, it's fine Roman-"

"We were both looking on the _shorter side_ of things!"

Deceit threw a pillow at him, and angrily took his Earl Grey into his room, flipping off the two behind him as he went.

\---

As he sat on his bed, cup in hand, he couldn't stop scowling and stamping his foot as he glanced at his mirror.

_What was so funny about his height!? What made them so much better than him because of something as normal as stature? What made them so much better than him?_

_Sure, they could look more intimidating, can grab cups from the top shelves, can be in the modelling industry easier than someone his height, and weren't constantly pestered about their height. What else?_

A sudden knock interrupted his train of thought.

"Hey, Harvey Dense, Patton made lunch," Virgil said.

"Coming, Hot Topic," he responded, finally getting out of his little hiding place and trudged with the emo to the kitchen.

The gorgeous smell of guanciale and Pecorino Romano wafted around the kitchen, almost as good as the spaghetti looked. Deceit dumped a large amount on his plate and slithered (hah) down with the other sides, too busy with eating and talking to even notice him.

Dee, happy with the atmosphere, took a bite of the noodles. Holy crap, this is good (obviously, it was made by Patton.) 

"Thanks for the carbonara, Patton."

Patton looked up from his dish, "Who said that?"

Deceit looked around in confusion, "Me..?" 

"Where? I can't quite see you."

Dee was about to say something, until it clicked. He didn't answer, groaning and just shovelled a forkful of carbonara in his mouth. The other sides couldn't help but snicker, except Logan, who didn't get it.

\---

As much as he hated to admit it, the half serpente needed reassurance that he wasn't as small as they said.

There was one side that could definitely help.

The yellow and black clad liar went into Logan's room. "Hi, Logan!"

Logan took his eyes off his book, "Oh, hello there Deceit. I didn't see you there. Why are you here?"

Deceit stood infront of Logan "Since you are probably the most reliable source I have, would you say I'm..below average height?"

Logan, barely pausing, responded with, "The average height for an American man is about five foot, nine inches. How tall are you?"

"Don't know," Deceit lied, his heart sinking so far down it was past Hell.

 _"Because I can't get an honest answer to draw an accurate conclusion"_ Logan muttered, then summoning a measuring tape, "Is it okay if I do so to answer your question?"

"..Actually, you know what? I think I've got enough information on this. Thanks, Logan."

"But I-"

Before Logan could finish his sentence, he was already gone.

\---

When the sun set, he went back into the living room and saw all of the sides watching TV.

Or rather, all of them collectively arguing about what to watch.

Deceit sat at the very edge of the sofa, trying to block out the bickering among the sides, taking slight pleasure in their interesting comments and retorts.

"For the last time Remus, porn is not an option-"

"Yeah, but it's watchable _and_ it's entertainment!"

"If we don't finish soon, I'm going to grab that remote and smash the TV with it!"

"Yeah, but can't we just conjure a new one?"

"No one is breaking any TVs here. Now can we just watch something-"

"Well I'm picking then!"

"How about we just vote?"

"Well I _know_ you're going to rig the vote again.."

"No I'm _not!_ "

There was so much arguing that Dee couldn't even hear words; only noise filled the air, accompanied with pillow throwing and remote grabbing.

But it was anything aside from focusing on him, and that was fine.

"Dee! What do you want to watch?"

Shit.

_What to respond with?_

_Lielielielielielielielielielielielie-_  
"I don't know. And I don't care."

"Great. How helpful."

"What was going to be helpful about it!? There would only be more choices and arguing!"

"Well maybe if you listened to me, we could have ended this alot quicker!"

Dee shrunk back into the sofa and just watched Patton and Roman argue. For once, his habit of lying when he was stressed actually came in use.

"Hold up. That's a lie!"

_Oh he just had to jinx it, didn't he?_

"What did you say before?"

"I said that I _do_ know and that I _do_ care."

"Oh. Okay."

Roman turned around, before turning back to him again immediately.

"Wait. That was a lie!"

"What was a lie?"

"The one you said right now!"

"That wasn't a lie, that was a question-"

"You know what I mean!"

Dee huffed, "I wasn't talking about the TV, you idiot." 

"Then what?"  
"..Nothing."  
"He's clearly just sensitive about his lack of hei-" Logan said, Dee making Logan out his hand over his mouth.

Roman (actually) thought for a second, and then finally solved it.

"Oh, you didn't like that. We really didn't mean it earlier, Dee."

Deceit pulled his hat over his eyes, "it's not that big of a deal. Just don't lift people up so hig- suddenly."

Patton awwed, clapping his hands together and letting Remus dart for the remote. "Just tell us if you feel uncomfortable, 'kay? Your height doesn't really matter. We're all just joking around."

"Deceit, height has little to nothing to do with any sort of other ability you might have. In fact, being below average height experience, is alot more easier than it is to be above it, from my own personal experience." Logan added in.

"Yeah! I don't even think there is a height everyone would be happy with! Dee, we really don't feel like you're somehow less than us over something as natural as height!"

The liar nodded, blushing furiously and turning away, not wanting the attention over some so.. _little._

He did appreciate the babying though.

"We won't stop with the puns though."

Deceit suppressed a grin, and went to tackle the remote from Remus.

They didn't pick a film that night.


End file.
